


Lonely

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Drama, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-07-19
Updated: 2005-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-26 21:13:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12067092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Justin learns that he is pregnant with Brian's baby when he is dating Ethan.  Later, he moves to Boston, alone, to raise the baby.





	1. Ch. 1- Moving On

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

“Ethan!” Justin called as he walked into their small apartment, “Ethan!”

“What,” Ethan responded walking out of the bathroom, “I’m here.”

“I really need to talk to you.”

“Sure, one second.”

Ethan went to his small rounded corner with windows and picked up his violin. He set it gently into the case and set the case on the table. Ethan walked back and sat on the bed.

“What is it?” Ethan asked.

“I went to the doctors and…”

“To see about the stomach pains and fatigue?” Ethan questioned, interrupting Justin.

“Yes, so they did some test and…” Justin said but Ethan interrupted again.

“What?”

“I’m telling you,” Justin snapped, he sighed and spoke again, “I’m pregnant.”

“What?”

“Is that all you can say?”

“You’re pregnant,” Ethan smiled and hugged Justin, “I can’t believe it! We’re having a baby!”

“Um…” Justin started, “before you get too excited, I should tell you something.”

“What is there to tell me?”

“It’s not yours.”

“Not mine. Justin, we’ve been monogamous. You haven’t been fucking around have you?”

“No, of course not Ethan.”

“Then how is it not mine?”

“It’s Brian’s.”

“Brian!” Ethan shrieked.

“Yes, it’s Brian’s,” Justin explained, “I’m three months pregnant. We’ve only known each other for two months. So, therefore, it’s Brian’s.”

“Are you sure it’s his and not some tricks?”

“Yes, how could you even think that!?”

“Are you going to tell him?”

“No,” Justin answered sternly.

“Why?”

“Because I’m not with him, I’m with you. I want us to raise the baby.”

“So, you’re expecting me to raise a baby that’s not even mine!” Ethan screamed.

“Ethan,” Justin pleaded, “It’ll be yours.”

“No! I do not want to father a child that was born from some slut.”

“Ethan,” Justin cried fighting tears in his eyes, “even if this baby is not Brian’s, I want you to raise it. You and me, a family.”

“No!”

“Why not!”

“I don’t want to see you ever again!”

“Ethan, you’re taking this way too hard and seriously. Don’t you want a family and a child? I’m sorry that you can’t stand the fact that it’s not yours.”

“I don’t want a child or a family! And I especially don’t want you to drop one on me and call it mine!”

“Ethan! You just said you were happy about the baby!” Justin shouted, but was silence by Ethan’s hand.

“Now just shut the fuck up! I want you out of this apartment and away from me! Take this bag,” Ethan said grabbing Justin’s duffle bag and filling it with clothes, “and I’ll pack the rest and you can get it later.”

Justin stood speechless and grabbed the bag. He threw it over his shoulder and walked out of the apartment.

A part of him wished that Ethan would get over this and take him back in a couple of days when he thought things through, but the other part wanted to run away and never see Ethan again.

Justin didn’t know where he was going; he found himself at Daphne’s apartment and knocked on the door.

“Justin!” Daphne cried. 

“Hey Daph,” Justin replied and sulked into the living room.

“What’s the matter?” Daphne asked sitting next to Justin and putting her arm around him.

“Nothing,” Justin answered, he thought for a moment and then lied, “Ethan and I had a fight. Can I crash here for a few days?”

“Sure, no problem,” Daphne cheered, “Oh, it’s going to be like old times. You know, when you actually spent the night at my house and didn’t just lie about it.”

Justin laughed at the thought and fell into Daphne’s embrace. He just hoped that he could handle the pregnancy without anyone knowing, especially Brian.

 

Justin was six months pregnant now. He was able to hide it pretty well, due to the cold weather. He could wear layers of clothes and no one would ask why. Justin was still working at the diner and was saving up for his baby. No one knew, but he had dropped out of school and was actually able to get a refund on his tuition paid for by Brian for the winter and spring terms.

Justin felt mildly guilty about taking Brian’s money. But he convinced himself that it would be Brian’s way of helping him with the baby, which he figured out, was a girl. Ethan had him paranoid about the baby, but Justin knew it was Brian’s, he just knew. Justin was still living with Daphne, and was even more surprised that she hadn’t figured anything out.

When Justin finally found a job far enough away and when he was eight months pregnant, he packed all of his things and left for Boston. He got a small apartment and bought more things, most for the baby. Justin cried the entire time during the bus ride to Boston. He didn’t want to leave his mom, Daphne, Debbie, and everyone else, but he couldn’t tell them, he was terrified to and he didn’t know why. 

His job was an assistant to a graphic artist at a web design company. They loved his talent so much that they were willing to train him and that made him ecstatic. Though Justin was supposed to start until he had that baby, he went to Boston anyway. 

 

Justin was sitting in his apartment one afternoon when a contraction hit. Justin dropped his cup and it shattered on the floor. He grabbed his stomach and wondered what was wrong. He was only a little over eight months pregnant; could the baby be coming early? Justin immediately grabbed the phone and called 911. Paramedics rushed to his house and took him to the hospital.

Six hours later, Justin was sitting in his hospital bed with a baby girl in his arms. 

“Hey you,” Justin whispered in the sleeping baby’s ear. Justin's stitches from his C-section, still being tight, made it difficult for him to place her in the hospital’s crib.

Justin cried looking at his daughter. He missed everyone back home, but he was still no where close to ever wanting to go back.

“Justin, how are you feeling?” a female nurse asked as she walked into the room.

“Better, but my stitches hurt,” Justin complained.

She walked over to him and lifted up his gown. 

“I’ll see if I can put some antibiotics on it for you.”

“Thanks.”

“Okay, have you picked out a name for the baby yet?”

“Yeah,” Justin answered, “Kyrene Brianna.”

“That’s a cute name,” the nurse replied, “Okay, if you just sign this birth certificate, I’ll have everything done.”

Justin smiled and signed it. No one really asked about the father. He kept silent and no one bothered him. The nurse left and Justin stared at his daughter. It took him a few tries but he was able to stand up and get out of bed.

“Kyrene,” Justin whispered, “I named you after your father.” Justin sighed. “He was great and I loved him very much.” Justin started to cry. “I want him to be here with us, but I think we can handle it. Brian’s name meant ‘strong one,’ and so does Brianna. So maybe you can be strong for us.”

Justin sat down on his bed and stared at his daughter. He could believe that she was finally here.

 

About a month later, Justin was able to go to work. There was a nice older woman that lived down the hall in his apartment building that Justin became attached. She told him that she would love to baby-sit his daughter for him. Justin lied and said that her mother died while giving birth and that he took her in. Everyone seemed to believe him.

Justin walked into his building and met his boss. 

“Mr. Taylor, hi I’m Dave. You’re my new assistant right?” the man asked.

“Yeah, I guess,” Justin answered with teasing in his voice.

“I like you, what was your name?”

“Justin Taylor.”

“Justin, I like you Justin. You have spunk and I think you’re a talented artist. We’ve needed someone around here like you.”

Justin nearly laughed at this guy’s enthusiasm. Justin was shown to his small office, which he didn’t know he would have. And he also met a lot of his co-workers, who were all friendly as well.

“I’ll think you’ll fit in just fine,” Dave told him as he and Justin said their goodbyes at the end of the day.

When Justin came back to his apartment, Mrs. Robinson was sitting in the chair with Kyrene.

“Hi,” she said quietly.

“Hi,” Justin responded, and then kneeling down and picking up his daughter, “hey you.”

The baby smiled and Justin held her close. He walked to the couch and sat down with her. 

“Thanks again for watching her.”

“No problem,” the older woman responded standing up, “I love watching her. She reminds me of my children and grandchildren when they were that age. They never see me anymore, so I get lonesome a lot.”

Justin smiled understandably.

“Why don’t you come over Friday night and the three of us can have dinner?” Justin suggested.

“Really?” Mrs. Robinson asked.

“Yes, you can release the anguish of missing your children on me.”

Mrs. Robinson just laughed and went to the door.

“I’ll see you Friday then. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Justin stood up and went to his and Kyrene’s room. Justin placed her in her crib and crawled in his own bed. He reached under his pillow and pulled out a picture of Brian.

“I miss you,” Justin whispered to the picture. Justin didn’t realize how much it would affect him leaving Brian. Even though he and Brian were broken up, he couldn’t believe they still couldn’t see each other.

Justin sat up and went to the kitchen. Though he wouldn’t be making a ton of money, Justin was able to rent a cute apartment. It had a tiny living room, with a small area for a kitchen table that he used for Kyrene’s playpen. He ate the counter on a barstool and she was going to eat in a highchair.

There was a small kitchen and bathroom, then finally one small bedroom. He liked sharing a room with Kyrene; it made him feel less lonely at night. Justin didn’t even mind waking up early and feeding her and playing with her. He loved how she kept him company and filled his loneliness.

No matter what, he still wished that Brian knew he had a daughter.


	2. Ch. 2- Home Sick

Thanks for all the really great reviews!

* * *

Justin was sitting in his chair in the living room feeding his daughter. The six-month-old had woken him up for the fourth consecutive night at three in the morning.

“I really need some help,” Justin mumbled to no one. Finally, it seemed that Kyrene had fallen back to sleep. Justin slowly stood up and carried her to their room. He laid her in her crib and gave her a kiss.

“I love you more than anything,” he whispered to his daughter.

Justin turned around and crawled back in his bed. He closed his eyes and tried as hard as he could to fall asleep. Eventually, he reluctantly reached for his photo album of his family back in Pittsburgh. 

Justin couldn’t help but miss everyone. He wondered if they were missing him as much as he was missing them.

 

“Has anyone heard from Sunshine lately?” Debbie asked Brian, Emmett, and Michael who were sitting at a booth in the Liberty Diner.

“No ma,” Michael replied.

“Me neither, Deb,” Emmett also answered.

Brian kept silent and read his paper.

“What about you?” Debbie asked Brian.

“Hmm?” Brian inquired looking up, “Why the fuck would I have seem him?”

“I was just wondering,” Debbie sighed, “I mean, he quits his job six months ago and no one has seen or heard from him since.”

“He left a note with his mother and Daphne,” Emmett pointed out.

“What did he say?” Debbie tried to remember, “Oh yeah, ‘I need some time alone. Don’t worry about me.’ I don’t know about you, but I am fucking worried.”

“Deb, if he’s fine, he’s fine,” Brian added, “Justin’s strong enough to live on his own.”

“I still miss him.”

“Yeah, and we’ve basically given up on our comic book,” Michael put in.

Brian rolled his eyes, “Well, I need to get back to work.”

“Bye Brian,” Debbie said and walked away.

“See ya, Brian,” Michael replied.

“Yeah, see ya,” Emmett added.

 

Brian walked into his office and sat at his desk. The truth was he missed Justin a whole lot. He had his doubts, but he was sure that Justin was fine. Whatever Justin needed to do, Brian could live with it.

“Cynthia,” Brian spoke into his intercom, “I need that file.”

“One sec, Brian,” Cynthia answered.

Brian leaned back in his chair. He thought about Justin. Even though they were broken up when Justin left, he felt that he missed him the most. Maybe, eventually, they would’ve gotten back together. However, he knew that was just wishful thinking.

He remembered running into Ethan a month or so after Justin had left. Brian had asked him if he’d seen Justin. Ethan just laughed and muttered something under his breath and walked away without speaking to Brian. Since then, he hasn’t seen Ethan either.

 

“Hey Justin, how’s everything coming?” Dave asked sticking his head trough the door.

“Great Dave, I’m almost done,” Justin answered.

“I wanted to ask you a question.”

“Hmm?” Justin responded while working on his project.

“My wife wants you to come over for dinner.”

“Dave that sounds really nice, but don’t you think I would be intruding?”

“Not at all Justin,” Dave laughed, “you’ll be our guest. I expect you and your daughter at our house tonight at seven. Here’s the address.”

Dave wrote his address on a piece of paper and handed it to Justin. Justin sighed and put the paper in his pocket.

 

“Hey Gram,” Justin said as he walked into his apartment.

“Hello Justin,” Mrs. Robinson replied. After about a month of baby-sitting Kyrene, Mrs. Robinson asked Justin if he could call her Gram, just like her grandchild. Justin called her that ever since. 

“Where’s Kye?” Justin asked while removing his jacket.

“She’s asleep,” Gram answered, “But I think she should be up soon.”

Justin smiled and gave Gram a kiss on the cheek.

“I really don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I’m sure you’d be fine,” she answered and picked up her things, “now, I’ll see you Monday. Goodbye.”

“Bye.”

Justin went into his room and saw Kyrene sitting up in her crib.

“Hey Kye,” Justin said sweetly and picked her up, “guess what we’re doing. We’re going to someone’s house for dinner.”

Kyrene smiled and gripped Justin.

Justin got into some nicer clothes and then dressed Kyrene in one of her prettiest dresses. 

When they arrived at Dave’s house he was outside waiting for them. Justin got out of his car and opened the back door and took out Kyrene. Justin had bought the car about a month after he moved to Boston. He was content in taking the bus and walking, but eventually he needed to take Kyrene to places with him.

“Hi Dave,” Justin said when he walked up to him.

“Justin, hey,” Dave replied, “and who’s this?”

“This is Kyrene.”

Kyrene smiled shyly and put her face on Justin’s chest. Dave just laughed and walked with Justin inside the house.

“Julie, this is my assistant Justin,” Dave said when they entered the house.

“Hello Justin,” Julie responded walking over to him, “and this must be Kyrene. She is just so beautiful.”

“Thanks,” Justin smiled. Justin thought she was beautiful too, especially since she looked a lot like Brian. She had light brown hair, hazel eyes, Brian’s lips and ears. She had everything else of Justin’s though. Or at least as much as you could tell from an infant.

“Well, follow me and we can get something to eat.”

They all sat at the dinner table and talked. Dave and Julie talked a lot with each other, and their teenage kids, one boy and one girl and they talked to each other as well. Justin wondered why they invited him to dinner when they barely acknowledged him. He shrugged it off and continued to feed Kyrene her dinner.

“How did your wife die Justin,” Julie asked him out of no where. 

“She wasn’t my wife.”

“Fiancé?”

“No, she was just a friend. I just happened to get her pregnant,” Justin lied.

“Well, how did she die?”

“She had complications during her labor. She was too far along to have a C-section, so ended up going through it naturally. Then she lost too much blood and died.”

“Well, that’s tragic,” Julie sighed, “my labor was tough also, but I’m not going to bore you guys with it. It’s nothing you’ll have to deal with.”

Justin felt guilty for some reason. He wanted to tell them that he was the one who carried Kyrene and that he had complications during his labor, but came out alright. He sighed and continued feeding his daughter.

 

Justin pushed Kyrene in here stroller down the isle of the grocery store. Justin was glad he made enough money for them to live in a comfortable lifestyle.

“Oh, she is just so cute,” a teenage-girl gushed.

“Thanks,” Justin mumbled. He hated when women tried to hit on him through his daughter. Most realized he didn’t have a ring on his finger and jumped all over him.

“Can I hold her?”

“No, actually she’s sleeping,” Justin replied with the best ‘duh’-voice.

“Oh well,” the teenager sighed. She was about to walk up to Justin, but Justin quickly turned around and walked down the isle.

Justin pretended to busy himself with the grocery shopping. He was staring at his list and food items. Justin hated being so shy, but he couldn’t help it. He just didn’t want to let anyone know he was gay. If people found that out, they might realize he was the one who had his daughter and he really didn’t want people to know about that.

After Justin bought all of his groceries, came home, put them away, he decided he wanted to go out to eat.

Walking into his favorite family restaurant, Justin passed by the hostess and walked directly to a table. One of his favorite waitresses came over and put some crayons on the table for Kyrene and gave him some water.

“Do you need a moment?” she asked setting down the last of the silver wear.

“Yes please,” he answered smiling at her.

The waitress was an older woman. Justin realized he confided a lot into older women now that every younger woman under 25 hit on him with every chance they got.

A couple of minutes later the waitress came back.

“What can I get you?” 

“I’ll have the fried ham and cheese sandwich with french-fries. I would also like a coke, chocolate milk, and a side of applesauce.”

“I will get that for you Justin,” the woman smiled.

Justin smiled back at her and pulled Kyrene to his lap.

“Back at home,” he whispered, “I used to work as a waiter at the Liberty Diner. Your father made me get the job, because I had to pay him back money.” Justin laughed, “I used to just sit and talk with Emmett and Ted about the stupidest things. Brian and I made out a couple of times in booths just like these.”

Kyrene just sat there and listened to her father talk. Justin loved how calm she got; it was like she was really listening to him.

“Here we are,” the waitress said when she set down their lunch.

“Thanks Sherry,” Justin replied, shifting to get comfortable with Kyrene.

“No problem, call me if you need anything.”

Justin nodded and began to feed the applesauce to Kyrene.

 

Later that night, Justin had trouble sleeping again. He grabbed his picture of Brian that he put into a frame. He kept it on the nightstand next to his bed and figured that people would assume it wasn’t his ex-boyfriend. Justin began to pet the picture with his fingers. The only thing he wished for was that Brian would magically walk in the door one day and become a member of his small family. Justin knew that would never happen, but he didn’t care. 

Justin hugged the picture to his chest and began to cry. He hated crying every night for Brian. And he especially hated hugging a picture of Brian when the real one was just a phone call away.


	3. Ch. 3- Ailing

It had been a little over five years since Justin has moved to Boston. He had just taken a vacation for Kyrene’s fifth birthday to the Baltimore/Washington D.C. Six Flags. She loved it and had a great time, and so did Justin.

When Kyrene was about four, he asked her if she wanted to move into a bigger apartment so she could have her own.

“No, I like sharing a room with you,” she replied.

Justin picked her up and sat her on his lap.

“Are you sure?” Justin asked again.

“Yes, I’m sure. I like having my toys where they are and I like having the same room,” the little copy of Brian assured.

“Okay,” Justin smiled and held his daughter closer.

Over the years, Justin had made Kyrene’s play area in the spot where a dining room table was supposed to be. They both simply ate in the living room or sat at the counter. 

Kyrene had just started kindergarten and was making friends fast. It was becoming easier for Justin to tell his lie about her birth and also, forget his family in Pittsburgh. He had been able to send letters to his mother, telling her he was alright, but nothing more. 

One morning, Justin was in the bathroom getting ready for work and Kyrene was asleep. Justin had just finished brushing his teeth when the door opened.

“Daddy,” Kyrene cried.

Justin kneeled down in front of her.

“What is it baby?”

“I don’t feel good.” Knowing that Kyrene was good and didn’t fake being sick, Justin picked her up and sat her on the bathroom counter.

“Do you have a tummy ache?” Justin asked.

“A little, but my whole body is achy,” Kyrene answered.

Justin went into his medicine cabinet and took out the thermometer. 

“Well, you don’t have a fever,” Justin proclaimed when he saw that her temperature was normal.

“I still feel sick.”

Justin sighed and picked her up. He knew she never lied so he took Kyrene to her bed and lied her down.

“I’ll be right back,” he whispered to her.

“Okay daddy.”

Justin went to his phone and called his work. After telling them that he needed to stay home today and possibly tomorrow, because his daughter was sick, they told him just to do as much as he could at home. Then he called Kyrene’s doctor and they were able to get him an appointment for the following day.

Justin made Kyrene her favorite breakfast of scrabbled eggs and sausage with syrup on it. He hoped that she would be able to keep it down. After breakfast, he took her to the living room and let her lie on the couch so she could watch cartoons and he could work on the computer.

She was able to sleep all day and able keep all of her food down. Justin wondered why she felt so sick.

 

The next day, Justin arrived at the doctor’s office. He quickly signed in and sat in the waiting room. After waiting about 20 minutes, the doctor opened the door.

“Taylor,” the doctor spoke loudly.

“That’s us,” Justin said and took Kyrene’s hand.

Justin walked with Kyrene into the small office and waited another 20 minutes before the same doctor came in.

After giving Kyrene some simple tests and confirming that everything seemed right, the doctor told Justin if he had any other concerns to take her to the hospital. Justin nodded.

When they were back in the car, Justin buckled Kyrene in her seat.

“Do you still feel sick Kye?” Justin asked her.

“Yes,” she moaned.

Justin got in the drivers seat and took her to the hospital. Again, Justin and Kyrene found themselves waiting. Then waited in the main lobby for another 20 minutes, when, finally, a doctor took them into a room. Immediately they took Kyrene’s blood and left to get it tested.

While Justin and Kyrene waited, they played games and talked. Kyrene’s favorite thing to do was listen to Justin tell her stories about Brian.

She always asked him to talk about when they first met. Justin gladly told her the PG-version. He would talk about Brian’s personality and what he liked and compared him to her. She always smiled when he talked about Brian because Justin smiled.

Finally, the doctor came in and asked to speak with Justin in the hall.

“What is it?” Justin asked.

“We’re not quite sure at the moment,” the doctor started, “but Kyrene has some early signs of leukemia. Now, the blood test has tested positive, but we want to be sure.”

Justin covered his mouth with his hand and began to cry.

“If she does have leukemia, we’re sure that we’ve caught it early enough to treat and maybe cure it.”

Justin nodded, but continued crying. He couldn’t believe that this was happening. Kyrene was his life; she was all he lived for. Plus, she was so young, and she had her whole life ahead of her.

 

Four months had passed since Justin found out that Kyrene had leukemia. He had insurance during the first three months, but suddenly his office just decided to take away all of their employees health insurance. Justin had to dip into his savings to pay for all of Kyrene’s health costs. 

Kyrene was still a happy girl and didn’t let any of her sickness affect her. She would smile every time she saw her father and he would bring her toys to play with. A lot of the times when Justin had to work, Gram would come spend time with her.

One night, while playing with toys, Kyrene asked Justin a question.

“Tell me about how you and daddy met again,” Kyrene asked getting tired.

“Okay,” Justin sighed.

“Well, I was standing by a big pole and came up to talk to me…”

“…And you thought he was the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen,” Kyrene finished for him.

“Then he asked me to come home with him.”

“Then you guys kissed a lot and then he got a phone call saying that my brother was being born.”

“Yes, exactly. Then I went with him.”

“And you named him Gus.”

Justin smiled and continued talking.

“Then we went back to his place.”

“And you kissed all night.”

“That’s right.” 

Kyrene smiled and gave her father a hug.

“I love you daddy,” Kyrene whispered tiredly.

“I love you too, Kye.”

 

Eventually, Justin dug into all of his savings and credit cards. Almost every cent of his paychecks went to Kyrene’s hospital bills. He lost his apartment and spent nights in his car or the hospital.

Justin tried as hard as he could to make it to work and get the job done, and spending as much time with Kyrene as he could. She was really brave and gave him a lot of courage. She didn’t let one thing make her cry or even affect her.

Justin on the other hand cried almost every night. He would sit by her bed and hold her little hand. Kyrene was his world and he couldn’t even imagine her not being in it. Sometimes she woke up and saw him crying. She would wipe the tears from his eyes and hold him close.

 

One day, sitting next to Kyrene sleeping, Justin began to think about his financial problems. He wondered if he could manage paying for everything until Kyrene got better.

“Mr. Taylor,” the doctor said when the door opened.

“Yes,” Justin answered.

“Can I speak to you for a moment?”

Justin stood up and followed the doctor out into the hall.

“What is it?” Justin asked.

“Your daughter as at the end,” the doctor started.

Tears began to form in Justin’s eyes.

“The only thing that can save her now is a bone marrow transplant.”

Justin sighed and continued to cry.

“So, she just needs the surgery?” Justin asked.

“Yes, and we’ll see where we can take it from there. Do you want to schedule a date?”

“I would love to, but I can’t. I don’t have any money and by the time I would save up it would be…” Justin didn’t finish as he buried his face in his hands.

The doctor was about to suggest something, but then he was paged and walked away.

Justin walked back into Kyrene’s room and sat in the chair next to her bed.

“You’re crying again daddy. What’s wrong?” she asked with concern in her voice.

Justin didn’t know what to say. He kissed her on her forehead and squeezed her hand.

“Nothing baby, just go back to sleep.”

Kyrene smiled and closed her eyes. Justin sat there rubbing her hand with his thumb. He had no idea what to do. Where was he going to get the several thousand dollars that he needed?

Justin looked at the picture that Kyrene kept on her table next to the bed. It was picture of Brian that Justin had given to her.

Suddenly, it came to him. He just wondered how Brian would take it.

* * *

I don't know anything about leukemia. I just based everything on what I've seen on TV and movies.


	4. Ch. 4- Back Home

Once again, thanks for the great reviews!

* * *

“But daddy, I’m still sick,” Kyrene complained.

“I know baby,” Justin replied.

“Where are we going?”

“Well, first we’re checking you out of the hospital. Then, we have to take a drive in the car. Then, we are going to go see daddy.”

“Really,” Kyrene asked shocked, “daddy?”

“Yeah, we’re going to see if he can pay for your operation.”

“Good.”

Justin picked up his daughter and carried her down to the main lobby. After telling the nurse they were leaving, he took her out to their car. The car was now full with things from their apartment that Justin had yet to get rid of. Justin buckled Kyrene up and sat himself in the driver’s seat.

 

After the nearly ten hour long drive, Justin pulled into an area of Pittsburgh that he recognized. Kyrene was silent, sleeping in the back seat. Justin slowly drove through the city streets. He tried his best to stay hidden, at the random chance someone walking or driving recognized him.

Nearing towards Tremont, Justin began to have a bad feeling. He wondered for the first time, how would Brian react? Would he freak and kick them out? Would he accuse Justin of lying? Justin pushed all of his fears aside and kept going. Kyrene needed help and he was going to help her.

Justin parked the car and got out. He walked to the back door and helped Kyrene out. Since she still felt weak, he carried her up to Brian’s apartment. It seemed like slow motion as Justin walked into the elevator with Kyrene. Justin opened the door once it reached the top. He walked up to the familiar metal door and stopped. Was he ready? Taking one look at the sick little girl in his arms, he knocked on the door.

Justin held his breath as he heard movement on the inside. Once the door opened, Justin knew there was no going back.

“Hi,” Justin muttered pathetically.

Brian stood there with his mouth hanging open.

“Justin,” he finally gasped.

“Yes,” Justin assured, “so can I come in?”

Brian held open the door and let Justin come in. Justin noted that almost everything in the apartment looked exactly the same. He did remember that Brian hated change, so he realized it wasn't that big of a deal. Justin lied Kyrene down on the couch and covered her up.

“Can I talk to you?” Justin asked Brian.

Brian simply nodded and walked with Justin over to the kitchen table. Justin sat down and Brian sat down next to him. Justin realized that Brian still had the same shocked looked on his face.

“Brian…,” Justin started but was cut off by Brian.

“Where the fuck were you?” Brian asked with heat in his voice.

“Boston,” Justin replied nonchalantly.

“Boston!” Brian screamed, “What the fuck were you doing in Boston!?”

“Shh!” Justin whispered harshly.

“Who is that?” Brian asked pointing to the little girl.

“Kyrene.”

“Who’s Kyrene?”

Justin took a deep breath, “Our daughter.”

Brian’s mouth fell open again.

“Our what?” 

“Daugh…ter,” Justin replied slowly.

“Since when do we,” Brian started waving his hands in between him and Justin, “have a daughter.”

“Since I got pregnant.”

“You?”

“Yes, ‘me.’”

“When?” 

“Considering that Kye is little older than five, about six years ago.”

“And you left?” Brian asked with unusual sadness in his voice.

“What did you expect me to do?” Justin laughed.

“Not leave.”

“Well, I did. Ethan kicked me out and I had nowhere to go. So I decided to leave the whole fucking city.”

“Shit,” Brian mumbled.

“Do you want to meet your daughter?” Justin asked cautiously.

Brian stared at Justin in awe. ‘Am I ready for this?’ Brian thought.

“Sure.”

Justin got up and walked over to the couch. Brian stayed sitting at the table.

“Kye,” Justin whispered. Kyrene popped opened her eyes and stared at Justin.

“I wasn’t sleeping daddy.”

Justin laughed and helped her sit up.

“Do you want to meet your daddy?” Justin whispered.

Kyrene nodded and gripped onto Justin so he could lift her up. Justin carried her over to the kitchen table and sat down in his chair with her.

“Brian, this is your daughter Kyrene. Kye, this is your daddy.”

Kyrene held out her arms to Brian and Brian continued to sit there.

“Daddy, can I give you a hug?” she asked.

Brian held out his arms and she crawled on his lap. Brian didn’t know what think about this, but he wasn’t about to be mean to a little girl. He stood up and carried her over to the living room. Brian took out a box of toys and handed it to her.

“These are your brother’s toys. Did you know you had a big brother?”

“Yeah, daddy told me,” Kyrene answered, pointing to Justin still in the kitchen.

“Did he?” Brian smiled.

Brian continued to play with Kyrene on the floor. After about 45 minutes, she said she was tired and crawled back up on the couch. Justin had lied on Brian’s bed and fell asleep, after coming out of the bathroom.

“Justin, wake up,” Brian said shaking Justin on the bed.

“Hmm?” 

“Justin.”

Justin sat up and stared at Brian.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I’m just really tired.”

“It’s okay.”

Brian sat down next to Justin. Brian noticed how tired and exhausted Justin looked. He wondered what was up.

“Has Kyrene gone through chemotherapy?” Brian asked.

“Yeah.”

“I noticed, because her hair was really thin and short.”

“She had some earlier, but we had to stop. Actually that’s why I had to come here.”

“Why DID you come out of nowhere?” Brian asked accusingly.

“I was actually doing quite well in Boston. Kye even started attending kindergarten and was starting to make friends. I have a decent job as a graphic artist’s assistant. I make good money and had a good apartment. But then Kye got sick. I was able to handle it until my company took away my health insurance. Then that’s when everything fell apart. I lost my apartment and now I’m in so much debt.”

“And you want me to help!” Brian spat.

“Brian you are not listening! She needs a bone marrow transplant and I can’t afford it!”

“She’s still sick!” Brian shouted.

“Yes, and I can’t loose her,” Justin began, but fell apart. He crashed into Brian’s arms and Brian held him tight. Justin cried uncontrollably. Brian tried hard to comfort him.

“It’s okay,” Brian whispered.

“She’s all I have Brian. I can’t let her die, she’s too young,” Justin choked out through sobs.

Brian continued to comfort Justin as he cried.

“So you need money to pay for the operation?”

Justin nodded in Brian’s chest.

“Is this like, the only thing that can save her?”

“You’re not considering on turning me down are you?”

“No, of course not,” Brian sighed and hugged Justin.

“Will you?” Justin asked still crying.

Brian rolled his lip inside his mouth. He really didn’t want to for Justin, but he would for Kyrene.

“Yes.” 

Justin sat up and hugged Brian. Neither of them thought twice, when Justin pressed his lips to Brian.

“Thank you,” Justin sobbed.

Brian smiled. He laid Justin on the bed and stood up.

“You looked extremely tired Justin.”

“I am,” Justin agreed.

“I want you to rest,” Brian concluded.

“Okay.”

Brian let Justin sleep as he went to his phone and began to call hospitals. If he was going to pay for this operation, he wanted it to be done here and now. Brian was on the phone for no more than 20 minutes when Kyrene began to stir.

“Daddy,” Kyrene called, “Daddy!”

“Shh,” Brian whispered walking over to her, “Daddy’s sleeping.”

Kyrene lied down and looked up at Brian.

“I’ve always wanted to meet you,” Kyrene proclaimed.

Brian smiled, “And if I knew you existed, I would’ve wanted to meet you too.”

“Daddy loves you a lot.”

Brian nodded, “I know.”

“I do too. That’s why I need to get better. I need to be here to take care of him.”

Brian tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

“You need to take care of him?” Brian asked trying to be strong.

“He’s says I’m way stronger than him. That’s why he named me after you. He says that you’re really strong.”

“He named you after me?” Brian questioned sounding confused.

“Yeah, my name is Kyrene Brianna Taylor.”

“Your middle name?”

“Yup, daddy said I remind him a lot of you and that I look a lot like you.”

Brian nodded and leaned down to give her a kiss on her forehead. Kyrene sighed and closed her eyes. Brian sat there until he was sure she was asleep. Once he was sure, he stood up and headed towards Justin. Justin was still sound asleep in his bed. Brian sat on the edge and stared at Justin.

“You little shit,” Brian sobbed.

Brian reached out and brushed Justin’s short hairs out of his eyes. After all this time Brian thought he was beautiful. Brian leaned down and gave Justin a soft kiss on the cheek. 

Then, Brian stood up and went to the couch. He picked up Kyrene and brought her to his bed. He laid her down next Justin and covered them up. Brian went to his closet and grabbed a blanket. He lied down on the couch and fell asleep thinking about Kyrene and Justin.


	5. Ch. 5- Hope

Thanks so much to the people who love this story. I think that [_QueerAsFolkFan](http://www.bjfic.net/viewuser.php?uid=1379) is the biggest fan of this story, so I’m dedicating this chapter to her. Plus her name is my middle name, Marie.

* * *

Brian woke up and felt a pain in his back.

“What the fuck?” Brian cursed out loud.

“Shh,” Justin hissed walking over to Brian, “Kyrene is still sleeping.”

Brian sat straight up and stared at Justin. He realized he was on his couch and everything came back to him, Justin and their daughter.

“Sorry,” Brian mumbled. He was moderately pissed that Justin was telling him what to do in his own house.

Justin disappeared and came back with a plate food in his hand.

“Want some breakfast?” Justin asked setting the plate on the coffee table.

“You made me breakfast?” Brian accused.

“No, I made Kye breakfast and I figured that maybe you might want some.”

“Oh.”

Brian picked at some of the food that Justin gave him. Justin came back and put down a cup of coffee.

“You like it the same right?” Justin asked.

Brian looked up at Justin and nodded. Justin smiled and made his way to Brian’s bed, where Kyrene was still sleeping.

“Hey sleepy head,” Justin whispered, lightly shaking her.

Kyrene yawned deep and smiled at Justin.

“Oh yeah, we’re at daddy’s house.”

Justin laughed and nodded. Kyrene stood up and went to find Brian. She plopped next to him on the couch and grabbed one of his sausages.

“Hey,” Brian complained jokingly.

“Ha-ha,” Kyrene mused.

Justin laughed and carried a plate over and sat it in front of Kyrene.

“Baby, Brian doesn’t have your favorite syrup, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay daddy.”

Kyrene quickly began to devour her food.

“What do you like to have syrup with?” Brian asked eyeing her food.

“My scrambled eggs and sausage, it’s my favorite.”

“She barely eats anything else for breakfast,” Justin added sitting on the floor by the coffee table, facing them.

“You must like the weirdest food,” Brian stated to Kyrene.

“Nope,” Kyrene replied and shook her head.

Brian laughed and looked over at Justin. Justin smiled at him and Brian felt the little flutter in his heart that he used to feel.

 

The three of them walked into the hospital and went to the front desk.

“My name is Brian Kinney,” Brian told a female nurse, “I’m here to see a doctor.”

The nurse typed some things into her computer and told them to wait in a room. After waiting about 20 minutes a doctor came in.

Justin was sitting on the bed with Kyrene and Brian was sitting in a chair.

“Which one of you is the father?” the doctor asked.

“We both are?” Justin responded confused.

“No, I mean, the birth father,” the doctor corrected.

“That’s me,” Justin smiled.

“Okay, now she needs a bone marrow transplant, is that correct?”

“Yes, then we’ll see if that’ll cure her.”

“Did you have a donor?”

“No, not yet,” Justin answered sighing.

“Well, obviously you two can’t. I hope that’s alright with you, but since you’re gay, we can’t take that chance,” the doctor explained.

“I understand,” Justin assured.

“Is there anyone else that might be a match for Kyrene?” the doctor asked.

“I have a son,” Brian started, “He’s seven. I could see if he’s a match.”

“Sir, this surgery tends to be painful. Do you think he can do that?”

“I could ask,” Brian stated.

The doctor nodded and left the room, telling them to call Gus.

“Are you sure Brian,” Justin asked.

“We could see,” was all that Brian said before he went over to Kyrene and picked her up, “Do you want to meet your brother?”

Kyrene smiled widely.

 

After calling Lindsay and Melanie and telling them to come to the hospital and to bring Gus. Justin, Brian, and Kyrene were waiting in the hospital’s lobby. Kyrene was sitting with Brian and Justin was eating a snack.

Brian gave Kyrene to Justin when he saw Lindsay, Melanie, and Gus walk in. Before they could notice anything, Brian was standing in front of them.

“Hey guys,” Brian greeted.

“Why are we here?” Lindsay asked worried.

“And why did Gus have to come?” Melanie added.

“He might be a match for a bone marrow transplant,” Brian explained.

“For who?” Lindsay asked.

Brian sighed and led them over to Justin and Kyrene.

“You guys remember Justin right?”

Lindsay and Melanie both gasped loudly when they saw Justin sitting.

“Sweetie,” Lindsay gushed.

“Hey Justin,” Melanie breathed.

Justin stood up and went to hug both of them. After saying their hellos, Justin introduced Kyrene.

“This is my daughter,” Justin said.

“Did you adopt her?” Lindsay asked.

“No, I should rephrase that, mine and Brian’s daughter.”

“You mean that you…” Melanie spoke with shock.

“I got knocked up,” Justin nodded.

“By Brian,” Lindsay finished.

“Yeah, and that’s kind of why we need Gus,” Brian pointed out.

“Kyrene here,” Brian said and picked up Kyrene, “She has leukemia, and needs a bone morrow transplant. Justin and I are gay, so we can’t do it. That’s why we were hoping that Gus might be a match.”

Lindsay and Melanie both covered their mouths in shock. 

“But she’s so little,” Lindsay sighed.

“Were can we get Gus tested?” Melanie questioned.

Brian handed Kyrene to Justin. Brian walked away to find the doctor.

“Kye, say hi,” Justin instructed.

“Hi,” Kyrene replied shyly.

Lindsay and Melanie both had a look of awe on their faces.

“Kye, please. You are not shy.”

Kyrene laughed and forced herself to be set down.

“You’re Gus?” Kyrene asked. 

Gus nodded.

“I’m your sister.”

“Really?” Gus asked. He looked up at his mommies and they both nodded.

Gus smiled widely and grabbed Kyrene’s hand. He took her to sit down. They continued to play until Brian came back with a doctor.

“Guys this is Dr. Smith,” Brian introduced, “He wants to take Gus’ blood.”

Gus hid behind Kyrene.

“Gus sweetie,” Lindsay spoke softly to him, “Kyrene is sick and the doctors think that you might be able to help her.”

Gus nodded.

“So they need to make sure you can?” Melanie added.

Gus stood up and walked to the doctor.

“Okay, but only if she comes with me.”

Brian looked up at the doctor and he nodded. Justin grabbed Kyrene’s hand and walked with Brian and Gus to a room.

 

One hour later, they were all waiting for the results. Lindsay and Melanie were in the cafeteria getting something to eat, while Justin and Brian moderately talked while watching their children bond.

“They seemed to have clicked well,” Justin whispered to Brian.

Brian nodded.

“Better than our respective sisters,” Brian laughed.

“What about Molly?”

“She kind of hates you.”

“What?” Justin asked shocked, “Why?”

“She’s just mad you left. Jennifer was able to convince her that it was just something you needed to do, but she’s still pissed.”

Justin smiled sadly.

“What about the others?”

“Your mom’s been the best, because she’s the only one you contact. Deb still talks about you every once in a while. She missed you like hell at first. Michael claimed to be happy, because he was still pissed at you at the time. Now he misses you and the comic book. Ted and Emmett talk about you every now and again, but they didn’t know you too well.”

Justin nodded.

“What about Vic?”

“He died. Four years ago. His medication had some side-effects and he had a heart-attack.”

Justin tried to contain himself. He felt bad, but was successful in not crying.

“What about you?” Justin asked.

“Me, I moved on. We weren’t together at the time and I tried not to care, but to be honest, I missed you. Maybe we would’ve gotten back together. I don’t know.”

Justin looked at him.

“I missed you.”

“I know, Kye told me. She also said you cried a lot.”

“I did. I missed everyone, but I missed you the most. I still love you.”

Brian sighed and looked away from Justin. He didn’t want to cry.

Justin leaned back in his chair and sighed.

Just then, the doctor came out.

“I have good news,” the doctor started and Brian and Justin looked up at him, “Gus is a perfect match.”

Justin and Brian hugged and shared a passionate kiss. When it ended they both looked in each other’s eyes and quickly looked away. Justin got up and went to tell Kyrene and Gus the good news.


	6. Ch. 6- Content

Justin was asleep on Brian’s shoulder. Brian didn’t really want him to, but he let him. Kyrene was laying her head on a pillow and was sprawled on Justin and Brian’s laps. They were all watching a movie and Brian was the only one that was still up. When the credits started to roll, Brian carefully extracted himself and stood up. He was about to go to take a shower, but he glanced at Justin and Kyrene laying next to each other, all scrunched up. Brian was transfixed, he couldn’t look away. 

After staring for at least ten minutes, Brian was able to take a shower. When he came out and dried off and dressed, he walked back in the living room. He looked at the two angels and felt the lump in his throat. Brian was going to make them stay at a hotel, but he couldn’t do that to Kyrene. Then he was only going to make Justin, but he didn’t want them to be apart. In the end, he said they could stay here.

Brian reached down and picked up Kyrene. He carried her to his bed and laid her down. He was going to leave Justin on the couch, but he knew Justin liked to sleep with Kyrene. Brian knelt down and carefully, so not to wake him, picked Justin up and lugged him to his bed. 

“Good night,” Brian whispered to the both of them after he tucked them in. He gave Kyrene a little kiss on the cheek. When he turned to Justin, he couldn’t help but kiss his beautiful, full lips. Brian didn’t mean to linger so long, but ever since that kiss at the hospital, it made him miss Justin’s taste even more.

Brian went to the couch and got comfortable. Having Justin back made something in his heart fill up that he didn’t even know was missing. Maybe he could make that hole a little fuller.

 

Justin was playing with Kyrene, when the buzzer rang. Brian was at work and told him not to answer the door. Justin ignored it. After a couple of minutes, Justin heard the elevator. He wondered who it was, and stood up.

“Daddy, careful, you knocked over my house,” Kyrene complained.

“Sorry, baby. Can you be quiet, just for one second,” Justin whispered.

Justin stood in front of the door. His assumptions were proven correct when there was a knock on the metal door. Justin flinched, but didn’t open it.

“Brian, are you there?”

Oh, god. It was Michael. Justin backed away and went over to Kyrene. He picked her up and took her to the bed. He gave her the toys and told her to keep quiet. Before, he could contemplate on answering the door, he heard it being unlocked. Justin stiffened.

“Brian?” Michael called.

“Hey,” Justin murmured.

“Justin?” Michael asked confused.

“Yeah.”

“Oh my god, where have you been?”

Michael went over to Justin and gave him a hug.

“Wait,” Michael began, “Has Brian had you here this whole time?”

Justin laughed.

“No, of course not, I was in Boston.”

“Boston!”

“Yeah, I had to get away.”

“Why did you go? Did you break up with Ethan? How come you didn’t contact anyone?”

“Well, there was one good reason why I left,” Justin responded walking up into Brian’s room. He picked up Kyrene and brought her back down.

“Who’s that?” Michael asked.

“Michael, meet your niece.”

“Niece, why niece?”

“She’s mine and Brian’s daughter,” Justin explained.

Michael’s mouth fell open.

“Did you…?”

“Yeah, that’s why I left. Ethan kicked me out after I told him. Well, after I told him it was Brian’s. I saved up some money and moved to Boston. Me and Kye have been living there ever since.”

“Why did you come back?”

“She got sick and I needed financial help.”

“Brian?” Michael questioned.

“Yeah, I didn’t think he’d let his daughter die.”

Michael smiled sadly and went to sit on the couch. Justin let Kyrene go back to play, and then he joined Michael to answer the rest of his questions.

 

Brian opened the door and walked in. It took him fifteen minutes to realize that Kyrene and Justin weren’t there. He began to panic, but then he saw the note on the counter.

_We went with Michael to his house. We’re fine. Come and meet us there for dinner._

_-Justin_

Brian sighed and wondered why Justin went to Michael’s house. Brian quickly changed and got ready to go to Michael’s. 

 

“So, Ben, you wrote another book?” Justin asked as he held Jenny Rebecca. 

Ben just began to explain his book when Brian walked in. Justin stood up and went over to Brian.

“You okay?” Justin asked.

“Fine,” Brian responded.

“Good. Hey, you didn’t tell me that Mel and Linz had a daughter.”

“She was born around the time you left. I guess she’s a few months younger than Kye.”

Justin nodded and watched Kyrene and Jenny play. They weren’t related by blood, but he told Kyrene that it was her sister. 

Brian sat down on the couch and put his arm around Michael. 

“What’s up Mikey?”

“Hey Brian,” Michael responded.

“How did you know Justin was here?”

“I went over to the loft to see you and unlocked the door and that’s when I saw Justin.”

“How’d he take it?” Brian asked Justin.

“Fine, and so did Ben.”

Brian nodded.

“Good because Debbie’s coming over.” Brian smirked.

“What?” Justin and Michael asked at the same time.

“I called her.”

“You’re going to kill her,” Michael told Brian.

“I was going to call your mom or something Justin, but I figured you’d want to do that on your own.”

“Thanks Brian.”

“Brian, can I talk to you in the kitchen?” Michael asked Brian standing up.

“Sure.”

“Are you okay?” Michael questioned with concern in his voice.

“I’m fine, why?” 

“I mean, he just shows up and is like ‘you have a daughter.’ Didn’t that affect you?”

“Of course it affected me, but, god, I love her. She’s the best and she loves me so much. And so does Justin. In fact, I was kind of hoping that after Kye got better, that he’d be willing to stay in Pittsburgh. You know, with me.”

“That’s really great Brian,” Michael agreed, “But that’s something you should tell him, not me.”

Brian nodded.

They walked back into the living room. After about a half an hour, Debbie came in with Carl.

“Michael, honey,” Debbie called.

“In here.”

Debbie walked in and dropped her purse.

“Sunshine?”

Justin was standing in the middle of the living room waiting for her. He was about to step forward for a hug, but she lunged at him. Justin almost fell over, but was stopped by her bear hug. When she pulled away, she slapped him on the face.

Justin didn’t know if he should laugh or not.

“Would you like to meet your granddaughter?” Justin asked at the risk of being hit again.

“My what?” Debbie asked.

“Well, you have Gus, that’s Linz’s and Brian’s. Then, Jenny’s Michael’s and Mel’s. This is Kyrene; she’s mine and Brian’s.”

“Yours and Brian’s?”

Justin nodded and got Kyrene to walk over to Debbie.

“Hi gramma Debbie,” Kyrene smiled.

Debbie hugged her and began to cry.

“My babies had baby.”

Justin laughed. He said hi to Carl and went to sit down. Brian smiled at Justin and Justin smiled back.

Debbie ate with Kyrene and Jenny, and Carl sat with Ben and Michael. Justin and Brian ate silently on the couch. Brian kept stealing glances at Justin. He didn’t know how to flirt with Justin, and he couldn’t tell if Justin would flirt back.

After everyone had eaten, Justin went to do the dishes. Kyrene went with him, saying that she always helped. 

“Brian, are you okay?” Debbie asked concerned.

“Justin? Yeah, it’s fine.”

“How did you take it?” 

“Well, I nearly shit my pants when he told me that she was my daughter. After I played with her, and got to know her, I fell in love with her.”

“What’s the first thing you asked Justin?” Michael piped in.

“I think I asked him where the fuck he was,” Brian laughed, “Then he said Boston and I was like Boston, what the fuck were you doing in Boston?”

Everyone continued to laugh at him.

“We all know how much you missed him,” Debbie acknowledged, “Is there any chance you two could…?”

“I’ve been thinking about it,” Brian admitted, “He still beautiful and we did kiss twice.”

“What are you waiting for?” Ben asked.

Brian looked at everyone and then in the kitchen.

“What makes you think he’ll want to be with me,” Brian whispered loudly pointing at the kitchen.

Everyone looked at each other and shrugged. Justin had finished the dishes and stopped when he heard everyone talking about him.

“If he still loves you, he’ll do anything for you.” Debbie added.

“Does he still love you?” Michael asked.

“He told me.”

“You see, now there’s nothing to worry about,” Ben pointed out.

“Do you still love him?” Michael asked.

Brian was about to protest, but the icy cold glares he got from everyone made his spine tingle.

“Yes,” Brian confessed, “And I think there’s a part of me that never stopped.”

Justin’s mouth fell open. Brian loved him. Justin walked back into the kitchen and sat down at the table. He couldn’t help it when a single tear ran down his cheek.

“Are you okay Daddy?” Kyrene asked walking over to him.

“I’m fine.”

He didn’t think that Kyrene would understand that he was crying tears of joy.


	7. Ch. 7- Missing

Remember, I don’t know anything about leukemia. I did see _The Rainmaker_.LOL.

* * *

Justin, Brian, Kyrene, Gus, and Lindsay all walked into the hospital’s front doors. Melanie would have come with them, but she was way to busy with work. Lindsay sat down and pulled Gus to her lap and Justin did the same with Kyrene. Brian went up to the desk to tell them that Kyrene was here.

Brian came back and sat on the other side of the Justin. Kyrene immediately jumped in his arms. After waiting about fifteen minutes Dr. Smith finally came up to them.

“Mr. Taylor,” Dr. Smith started, “When’s the last time Kyrene had something to eat.”

“Yesterday at breakfast,” Justin replied, “All she’s had since is water, oh, and Gus too.”

“Good that means we can get them straight into surgery. Follow me.”

They all stood up and follow Dr. Smith to a room with two beds. Gus and Kyrene got into their hospital gowns and lied in their beds. A nurse came in and put IVs in both of their arms. Dr. Smith said their surgery was in two hours and to just watch TV until he came to get them.

They all sat there and stayed with Gus and Kyrene to keep company. Brain kept stealing glances at Justin, when Justin wasn’t looking. Justin was thanking Gus and telling him that after Kyrene got better they’d all take a trip somewhere. 

After the two hours rolled by, Dr. Smith came in and took Kyrene and Gus away. They both waved at their parents when they entered the doors. 

“I have to get to work,” Lindsay sighed, “Call me the minute their surgery is done.”

Justin nodded and Lindsay left. She looked back every few seconds but finally disappeared through a set of double doors. Justin turned to Brian who shrugged; they walked to the nearest waiting room and sat down on the couch. Brian busied himself by calling his office and answering questions. Justin watched TV and the other people in the waiting room. 

When the surgery was done, Dr. Smith found them in the waiting room.

“Mr. Taylor, Mr. Kinney,” he said.

“Yes,” Justin answered standing up.

“The surgery went great; unfortunately they should be out for the rest of the night.”

“Okay,” Brian started hesitantly.

“I’m just telling you, because I assumed you wanted to see them. But I assure you that they’re fine. You two need to go home and rest, it’s been a long day. You can come back in the morning. They are in room 409, just go straight there.”

“Thanks, Dr. Smith,” Justin replied stretching out his and shaking it with the doctor.

Justin smiled at Brian and started to walk out of the waiting room. Brian followed him.

“So, are you really going?”

“Why not?” Justin asked.

“What if they wake up in the middle of the night or something happens.”

“Brian, they’re doctors, they know what they’re talking about. Besides, we’re just a phone call away. And believe me, if Kye found out we stayed up all night or woke up seeing us asleep in chairs, she’d throw a fit.”

Brian smiled and nodded. He followed Justin out of the building.

 

Justin and Brian walked into the loft and Justin immediately plopped down on the couch. Brian groaned and went to the kitchen. Brian sat down next to Justin and handed him a beer while Brian had his own.

“We haven’t been alone since you’ve been back,” Brian acknowledged.

Justin nodded.

“Not with Kye around. She’s a spitfire isn’t she?”

Brian laughed and nodded while taking a sip. Justin sighed deep.

“We haven’t been apart since she was born,” Justin said starting to cry a little.

“It’s okay Justin,” Brian tried to coax.

Justin laid his head on Brian’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around Brian’s waist. 

“God, if I lost her,” Justin mumbled, “I would have lost the other most important person in my life.”

“Who was the other one?”

Justin looked at him with the biggest ‘duh’ expression on his face. Brian nodded and smiled.

“Why are you suddenly realizing I’m important to you? You left me remember?”

Justin shut his eyes hard.

“I remember and I was stupid. I should never have left you. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. I was 19 and naïve. I wanted things from you that you weren’t willing to give me without a fight. I got worried that you didn’t love me and ran to the first person who said they did.”

Brian took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry Justin. I mean, I know you left me, but I let you go. I was insensitive and uncaring. I should have been a better boyfriend.”

Justin smiled, still with tears in his eyes. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Brian’s. Brian was about to back away, but he remembered that these were the lips he was dreaming of. Hell, this was the man he was dreaming of.

Justin crawled forward, deepening the kiss, and straddled Brian’s thighs. Brian wrapped his arms around Justin and pulled him closer. 

After nearly twenty minutes of making out, Brian pulled away and stared at Justin’s lust filled eyes. Immediately his dick grew twice the size and stood up. Justin looked at him confused for a moment, but Brian held out his hand and Justin grabbed it. Brian led them to the bed and sat down. Justin sat down next to him and they began to kiss some more.

Brian eventually lied Justin down and crawled on top of him. Justin moaned when their cocks rubbed together through their cloths. 

“I think we’re a little overdressed, don’t you?” Brian asked already beginning to undo Justin’s shirt. 

Justin nodded slowly and moved his hands to take off Brian’s pants. Brian sat up and helped Justin remove his pants. When they were done, Brian removed his shirt. Justin stared up at him and reached his hands up to touch his chest. He let his hands linger there before letting them trail down Brian’s stomach. Once they reached Brian underwear clad cock, Justin began to massage it.

Brian groaned and looked down longingly at Justin. Justin smiled his sunshine smile at him and Brian literally felt his heart melt. Justin put his hand inside of Brian’s boxers and began to pump Brian’s cock. Justin took back his hand and licked off the pre-cum that was on it. 

Brian shifted and moved to lie next to Justin. Brian removed the rest of Justin’s clothes. Once Justin beautiful dick sprang free, Brian was absolutely sure he missed _everything_ about Justin. Brian immediately had his lips around Justin’s cock and Justin was panting hard. His hands flew to Brian’s head and pulled at his hair.

After worshiping Justin dick, Brian made Justin turn over. Brian began to kiss Justin’s back, thighs, and ass; leaving a spot of spit on his silky, smooth skin. Brian began to kiss the small of Justin’s back. Justin moaned with pleasure. Brian worked his way down Justin’s crack, kissing and licking everywhere. Once Brian reached Justin’s waiting hole, Brian let out of groan of his own. 

Justin shuddered when Brian’s tongue circled around the awaiting pucker. Brian made his tongue flat and licked right on his hole. As soon as Brian penetrated the hole, Justin came all over the sheets under him. Justin panted and turned over, his face red with embarrassment.

“Sorry,” Justin mumbled, “It’s been a long time.”

Brian smiled. He bent over to give Justin a kiss. Justin smiled again.

“How long since you’ve been rimmed or how long since you’ve fucked?” Brian asked while stroking Justin’s cock, which came back to life in a matter of seconds.

“Rimmed, I’ve had sex, but I haven’t bottomed.”

“That’s a long time Justin, are you ready?”

Justin nodded eagerly.

“Just, take it slow.”

“So, like the first time, again?”

Justin smiled and almost laughed, but nodded. Justin noticed that Brian was still wearing his boxers and reached his hand up and tugged on the waistband. Justin licked his lips when he saw the wet stop from Brian’s dick leaking pre-cum.

Justin pushed Brian down and inched between his legs. He took off Brian’s boxers the rest of the way and leaned down so his face was right in front of Brian’s rock hard cock. With no licking or teasing of any kind, Justin fully engulfed the dick is his mouth. Justin began to deep throat Brian and after only a couple of minutes and Brian was shooting a huge load down Justin’s throat.

Justin gasped and sat up.

“Long time for you too?” Justin asked swallowing the rest of the cum that was still in his mouth.

“Just a long time from you.”

Justin didn’t know why, but that affected him greatly. He lied on Brian and kissed him like Brian was his last breath.

“Fuck me,” Justin whispered in Brian’s ear.

Brian smiled and pushed Justin onto his back. He sat between his legs and grabbed a condom and some lube. Brian quickly sheathed himself and made sure that his dick was coated in lube. 

“Don’t cum,” Brian warned as he stuck a finger inside of Justin’s hole to prepare him.

Justin started to laugh, but ended up turning into a groan. Brian added a second finger and scissored them, and finally added a third. Brian placed the head at Justin’s entrance and slowly pushed it in. Justin quietly whimpered. Brian pushed in the rest of the way and Justin cried out in pain. Brian looked worriedly at Justin, who had his eyes squinted shut. Justin opened them and nodded at Brian.

Brian pulled out slowly and pushed back in even more slowly. Justin trembled. They began to rock with each other while they made love. Brian held Justin head in his hands and leaned down to kiss Justin’s lips. Justin moaned into his mouth gripped Brian tighter. 

Once Justin’s breathing began jagged, Brian held onto his dick and stroked it. Justin was soon releasing his hot juices in Brian’s hand and their chests. Brian felt Justin’s walls tighten and came hard inside the condom and filled it to capacity. Brian flopped down next to Justin and Justin instinctively crawled into Brian’s arms. Brian watched fascinated as Justin drifted into sleep with a smile on his face.


	8. Ch. 8- High Hopes

Brian awoke in the morning feeling extremely content. He tried to stretch, but his left arm wouldn’t move. Brian opened his eyes and noticed his arm was under the neck of a gorgeous, sleeping blond. He sighed and watched Justin sleep. Justin was facing away from him, so he began to stoke Justin’s back.

Justin still seemed to want to sleep, so he slowly removed his arm. He sat up and pulled on some boxers. Brian went to the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. It was on auto to start at the same time every morning. After drinking the coffee, he decided that he wanted to take a shower. He gently walked back up the stairs and went to the bathroom.

When Brian came out of the bathroom, with a towel wrapped around his waist, Justin was lying on his side, staring at Brian. Brian smiled and sat down on the edge of the bed. He began to run his fingers through Justin’s hair. Justin leaned in to the touch and scooted closer to lay his head on Brian’s lap. 

Justin finally stood up and went to go to the bathroom.

“Brian?” 

“Huh?”

“Let’s try to get to the hospital by nine.”

“Okay,” Brian agreed.

Justin quickly showered and got dressed. Brian was in the kitchen, dressed as well, when he was done. He took the coffee Brian offered him and they headed out the door. They got to the hospital at eight forty-five. 

They walked straight up to the room that Dr. Smith said they would be in. When they got inside the room, Gus and Kyrene were both still asleep. Kyrene was in the bed closer to the door and had more machines hooked up to her. Gus simply had an IV in his arm.

Justin immediately sat down next to the chair that was beside Kyrene’s bed. Justin grabbed her little hand and began to intently watch her sleep. Brian found a chair in the corner and placed it in the middle of the beds. He looked over at Gus and squeezed his hand. Gus had color in his face and was breathing steadily. Kyrene was pale and was breathing slowly. Kyrene also had no hair again, because she needed to do more chemo before the operation. 

“Her hands a little cold,” Justin told Brian.

“She’s sick Justin,” Brian assured, “She’ll be okay. Gus here looks fine, thank god.”

Justin glanced up at Gus, who did look like he was just sleeping.

“I want to speak to a doctor,” Justin concluded.

Brian walked over to Justin and gave him a kiss.

“I’ll be right back.”

Justin smiled slightly and turned back towards his daughter and gripped her hand again. Brian came back in about ten minutes with Dr. Smith. Justin stood up and shook his hand.

“How is she?” Justin asked nervously.

“She’s fine, Mr. Taylor,” Dr. Smith promised, “In fact, she’s doing great. They’ve both been asleep all night and their operation was a success from the beginning. Everything is going according to what we predicted and she’s making excellent progress.”

Justin sighed heavily.

“When should she wake up?”

“Hopefully in the next few hours.”

Justin and Brian nodded as Dr. Smith left the room. Brian sat back down in his chair. He would take time staring at his children. Justin sat with his head on Kyrene’s bed, rubbing her hand. After about an hour passed, Lindsay and Melanie came in.

“Hey guys,” Lindsay said quietly walking into the room. She and Melanie went straight over to Gus.

“Are they okay?” Melanie asked.

“They’re both fine,” Brian answered.

Lindsay and Melanie continued to fuss over Gus. Eventually, they both came over to see how Kyrene was. Justin said she was fine and that both of them should wake up anytime now.

Lindsay sat in a chair on the other side of Gus’ bed; she pulled it in from the hallway. Melanie had gone to get all of them coffee. Justin continued to lay his head on Kyrene’s bed and rub her hand. Brian could see it right in front of him. Kyrene was Justin’s world. She had been for the past five years. Brian smiled, knowing now that he was a part of it.

Melanie came back with the coffee. Justin seemed to be in a trance when he took it from her. Melanie sat on the edge of Gus’ bed. Everyone was in silence until they heard a young voice speak.

“Mommy,” Gus cried.

Lindsay knelt closer to Gus and wrapped her arms around him. 

“Sweetheart, I’m right here.”

Gus opened his eyes halfway, and looked for Melanie. Once he saw her, he reached up his arms and she hugged him. They let go and he closed his eyes. After ten minutes, he turned to Brian. 

Brian smiled at him.

“Hey Gus.”

“Daddy!”

Brian leaned forward and gave Gus a hug. Gus let go and lied still for a little while longer. Once Gus was fully awake, he suddenly sat up. He turned quickly to Kyrene and was about to sit up. He stopped suddenly and screamed.

“Ow, Mommy, my body hurts.”

Lindsay sighed and helped him lie back down.

“It’s going to hurt for a little while,” Lindsay told Gus.

Melanie stood up.

“I’m going to go see if he can get some medication.”

Lindsay nodded and Melanie left the room. Brian had been staring at Gus, so he turned back around to Kyrene.

“Justin,” Brian whispered, “Justin.”

Justin didn’t respond. Brian noticed that he had fallen asleep. He smiled at Justin, taking in the blond’s beauty.

“What are you smiling about?” Lindsay suddenly asked.

Brian turned around quickly.

“What?”

“What are you smiling at?” Lindsay repeated.

Brian decided to tell her the truth.

“Justin.”

“Why?”

“I guess I’m remembering last night.”

“What happened last night?”

“We slept together,” Brian admitted, not wanting to say ‘fucked’ or ‘sex’ in front of Gus.

Lindsay stood up abruptly and walked over to Brian. She gave him a hug.

“I’m so glad,” she gushed.

Brian couldn’t help but smile like a fool.

“Me too.”

“So, does that mean you’re together again?”

“I think so, but I’m not sure,” Brian shrugged.

Lindsay sat back down in her chair. Gus looked at her confused and she gave him the look that said it was none of his business.

Melanie came back into the room with a nurse and she gave Gus some medication. 

“Dr. Smith says that Gus might be able to head home by this afternoon,” the nurse told them.

“That’s great,” Melanie smiled, “Thank you.”

The nurse nodded and left the room. 

“Mel, I’m hungry,” Lindsay declared.

Melanie looked at her confused.

“Linz, honey…”

“Gus, do you want me to bring you back some McDonalds? I know you won’t like the hospital food.”

Gus nodded at Lindsay. Lindsay grabbed her purse and ushered for Melanie to follow her. Before she left the room, Lindsay looked back at Brian. She winked and pointed at Justin, making urgent faces. Brian smirked and she left.

Brian scooted closer to Gus and tucked him in tight. Brian turned on the cartoons for him, even though he knew the medication would put him to sleep. As soon as Gus seemed to drift into sleep, Brian stood up and dragged his chair until it was next to Justin’s. He ran his fingers through Justin’s hair. He pressed a kiss to his right temple.

Justin shifted, but didn’t wake up. Brian sighed and leaned close to Justin’s ear. He blew in it lightly and liked the earlobe. Justin reached his hand up and rubbed his ear, affectively slapping Brian lightly on the face at the same time. Brain laughed and kissed Justin again.

Brian leaned close to Justin’s ear again.

“Justin, get the fuck up!” Brian whispered loudly.

Justin sat up and looked at Brian. He rubbed his ear and swatted Brian on the arm.

“What?”

Brian lunged forward and kissed Justin. The kiss turned into a passionate make out session. When Brian finally pulled away, Justin was panting and his lips were swollen.

“Fuck,” Justin muttered.

Brian grinned and brushed back the hair on his head.

“Hm?”

“That was…”

“Hot?”

“Uh, yeah.”

Brian leaned in again and gave Justin a light kiss. When they pulled apart, Justin rested his head on Brian’s shoulder and gripped his hand. They stared at Kyrene, hoping that she’d finally wake up.

As soon as Kyrene’s arm moved slightly, Justin and Brian sat up straight. They looked at each other and back at Kyrene. They watched as she scratched her other arm and put it across her stomach. She blinked a few times, but closed her eyes again tightly to block out the bright lights. 

“Kye,” Justin whispered.

Kyrene looked to the voice and opened her eyes. She smiled widely and stared at her fathers.

“Hi daddys.”

They both laughed and hugged her. She hugged them back. 

“Are you sore?” Justin asked.

“I’m fine daddy,” Kyrene assured.

Justin frowned.

“Brian, tell the nurse to come in here.”

“But she said she was fine,” Brian protested.

Justin turned to Brian.

“She’s very strong and she hides pain well,” Justin spoke softly, “I don’t know how many days she went to school, but complained only little while later that she was sick. That’s how I knew she was seriously sick when that cancer started to affect her.”

Brian sighed and stood up to go find the nurse.

“Are you hungry?” Justin asked.

Kyrene shook her head.

“Am I better now?” Kyrene questioned sadly.

“We’re not sure yet, but they said that your surgery went great and they have high hopes.”

Kyrene smiled and reached for her father’s hand. 

“I love you daddy.”

“I love you too, baby.”


	9. Ch. 9- Leaving Again

Justin held the small plate on his lap and took another bite of his cake. He turned to his mother and smiled as Kyrene played with Gus and JR.

“I’m just so glad you’re back honey,” Jennifer gushed.

Justin smiled and grabbed her hand. Kyrene ran away from her siblings and climbed onto Jennifer’s lap.

“I’m glad I have a grandma daddy,” she said to Justin.

Justin laughed and ruffled her hair.

“Well, I’m glad you finally got to meet her.”

Kyrene played with Jennifer’s hair and shifted on her lap. Jennifer had to make Kyrene get down when Michael, Ben, Lindsay, and Melanie knocked on the door. They walked over to Gus and JR and picked them up. They quickly said their hellos and goodbyes, and then they left out the door.

Justin sighed and walked into the kitchen. He put his plate down in the sink and rinsed it off. As much as his former family made him feel welcome being home, Justin still didn’t feel at home. He wanted to go back to Boston.

When Justin came back into the living room, Kyrene was playing with Molly. As soon as Molly saw Justin she stood up and glared at him. Justin frowned and Molly stalked back upstairs.

“She’ll get over it,” Jennifer said watching the whole scene.

“I love Molly and everything,” Justin explained, “But think more important things needed to be done.”

Justin smiled at Kyrene whose hair had started to grow back once again.

 

Brian walked into the loft to see the two most important people in the world asleep on the couch. He didn’t want to disturbed them, but they had plans to go out to dinner. Brian crept slowly and then kneeled in front of him.

Brian gently let his hand glide along Justin’s face. The emotions he held for so long were now taking a toll on him, and now, just looking at his blond made him want to cry.

Justin finally began to wake and smiled when he saw Brian staring at him. Brian pressed his lips to Justin’s.

“Hey Brian.”

“Tired Sunshine?”

“No,” Justin assured, “This was the only way I could get her to take a nap.”

Brian looked at Kyrene who was nestled next to Justin on the couch, pulled into a tight little ball. Brian gently lifted her up and carried her up to his bed. Once she was situated, Brian came back and sat next to Justin on the couch.

Justin scooted closer to Brain and rested his head on Brian’s shoulder. Brian smiled and put his arm around Justin. 

“It seems like everyone is either mad at me or avoiding me,” Justin suddenly said.

“They’ll be fine Justin, if I can handle it, they can.”

Justin smiled.

“I know, but it’s like they act pleasant. Maybe they talk about me behind my back.”

“Like I said Justin, they’ll be fine,” Brian tried to assured. 

Justin sighed and pulled Brian into his arms. 

“I did miss you more than anyone,” Justin stated.

“I know.”

“It killed me being away from you. I know we weren’t together, but I still got to see you practically everyday.”

Brian grinned, remembering how much he did look forward to seeing Justin.

“Whatever happened to Ethan?”

“I told you, I don’t know.”

“He didn’t try to contact you?”

“No.”

“That’s shitty for him to kick you out like that.”

“Now do you understand why I was so afraid to tell you?”

Brian sighed and nodded, he did know.

 

Justin sat with Kyrene in the doctor’s office. They were waiting for the results of the test. As soon as the doctor came into the room with a clipboard, Justin sat up in his seat and squeezed Kyrene’s hand.

“Her tests turned out extremely well. Though, the cancer is still in her, all her test show that everything has improved. You can relax now; I fully believe she’s on her way to a full recovery.”

Justin smiled brightly and turned to Kyrene, Kyrene smiled back. She only understood that she was getting better. Justin stood up and gave her a hug. He helped her back in her clothes and got ready to leave.

 

When they got back to the loft, Brian was waiting anxiously for them. When they came through the door, Kyrene ran towards Brian.

“The doctor says I’m all better!” Kyrene shouted.

“That’s great,” Brian encouraged, but looked up at Justin for more details.

“She’s doing a lot better,” Justin explained, “The cancer is still in her system, but they say she’s going to make a full recovery.”

Kyrene went into Brian’s room to take a nap, while Brian and Justin went to sit on the couch.

Brian grinned and hugged Justin.

“I’m just so happy,” Brian whispered in Justin’s ear. 

“Me too, but I was wondering, do you think she’s okay to travel back to Boston?”

“Why would you need to go back to Boston?”

“Well, that’s where everything is.”

Brian sighed.

“Yeah, she should be fine. Just don’t make the trip more than a few days.”

“Brian, it should only take me about nine hours to get there.”

“But what about the trip home?” Brian asked confused.

“What trip home?” Justin almost laughed.

“I thought you were going to get your stuff and then come back.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Don’t you want to stay here with me?”

“Well, I guess a part of me does, but I want to go home. I want Kyrene to go back to her old school and our old apartment and I want my old job back.”

“Justin she’s five,” Brian almost yelled, “She can go to another school, and you can get another job. And most of all, you should live here.”

“Brian, don’t be weird. You and I both know that cannot happen.”

“What can’t?” Brian spat.

“We won’t be happy; I left to get away from everyone remember?”

“No, you left because you were scared what everyone’s reaction would. Especially mine!”

Justin winced at Brian’s voice.

“Brian, I can leave if I want to.”

“Justin, I’m okay with it. I want to raise Kyrene with you. I want to be a family,” Brian spoke the last part quietly.

“Brian this isn’t about your needs, it’s about Kye’s. She needs to go back home. That’s where she’s been living and I can’t force her to stay anywhere else. She already told me that she wanted to go back home.”

Brian took a jagged deep breath.

“If you leave, so help me I’ll fight for custody.”

“Brian don’t do that, we’ll be fine. We don’t need to live with you to be happy.”

“Yes you do!”

“Quiet,” Justin hissed, “You’ll wake Kye.”

Brian began to glare.

“What happened to all your talk about missing me so much and crying every night?”

“Nothing happened, I did and I missed you, but I’m here now and I’m fine. There is no reason for either of us to get bent out of shape about this.”

“But we made love.”

“Made love? Brian, we fucked. End of story. Now if you want to believe that what we did had some sentimental meaning behind it, is fine, but it didn’t for me. Yes, I do love you, but not so much that I’ll change everything in my life that I have been accustomed to.”

“How can you?”

“What?”

“Nothing,” Brian spat, he was almost crying.

He stood up and grabbed his shoes. He put them on fast and walked over to the door. He opened it slowly and turned to Justin. Brian gave him a heartbreaking look and shut the door. 

Brian walked down to his ‘vette and got in the driver’s seat. That’s where he fell apart. He just wanted to know why Justin was doing this all of a sudden. They were so happy before, and Brian was positive that they were going to get back together. He buried his face in his hands and wondered if Justin truly thought that they would be better at Boston.

Back in the loft, Justin almost collapsed and started to cry. He did want to stay, but somewhere deep down was telling him to go back home. Justin was so used to living alone and being alone with the exception of crying. Just having a change like this would be confusing to him and to her.

Justin sighed and stood up. He went to the bathroom and ran some cold water over his face. He needed to go back to Boston. He couldn’t stay here with Brian, it wouldn’t work out. They broke up before and they would inevitably break up again. Justin just didn’t want to get hurt and by Brian most of all.

He took one last deep breath and thought of the things he needed to do before he left everyone again.


	10. Ch. 10- Goodbye

Justin gently folded the rest of his clothes and put it all in his suitcase. Once it was filled, he closed it and zipped it shut. Justin then picked it up by the handle and grabbed Kyrene’s along the way. He set them both by the front door of the loft and went back to get the rest of his things.

When Justin had everything that he still owned ready, he put it all in his small car. There was just enough room to fit Kyrene’s car seat and for Justin to drive. 

“Kyrene, time to go,” Justin called when he reentered the loft. 

Kyrene slowly walked towards him. She looked like she had been crying. 

“Baby, what’s wrong?” 

“I don’t want to go daddy,” Kyrene whimpered.

“I know, but we need to go home. Don’t you miss everything and everyone?”

Kyrene nodded slowly, she really did want to go.

“I’m gonna miss dad.”

“I’ll miss him too, but this is for the best.”

They both walked down the stairs and got into the car. Justin then began driving to the diner where everyone was waiting to say goodbye.

 

When Justin pulled towards the diner, he began to get nervous. He didn’t know if Brian was there or not. Justin sighed heavily and unbuckled. He walked around the car and got Kyrene out of her seat. Justin picked her up and carried her inside the diner. 

Everyone was there: Brian, Lindsay, Melanie, Gus, JR, Ted, Emmett, Debbie, Carl, Michael, Ben, Jennifer, and even Molly. Justin was glad to know that everyone cared about him. 

During the goodbye party, Kyrene was passed around and everyone had their chance to say bye to Justin. In the beginning Justin thought everyone supported his decision, but now he realized that they wanted more time with Kyrene and he could feel the bitterness directed towards him.

When Justin couldn’t take it anymore, he walked over to his mother and gave her a hug. They whispered words of support to each other and Justin gave her a kiss on the cheek. Justin went and did the same to Debbie. Brian had been sitting with Kyrene, just talking, when Justin came over. He was about to pick up Kyrene, but Brian beat him to it. Justin sighed and let Brian follow Justin out to his car.

Once they were outside, Brian spoke, “Justin, I was talking with Kye and we both would like to see each other. I won’t get legal support if you let me see her at least once a month.”

Justin knew it wasn’t avoidable.

“That sounds fine Brian,” Justin answered while he buckled Kyrene in. 

Justin was about to walk around the car, but Brian stood in his way. Justin gave him a look, telling him to move, but Brian stayed. 

Brian softly pulled Justin in his arms. Justin let Brian take him and he also returned the hug. Brian felt the hard lump in his throat and he didn’t want to let go of Justin. Justin finally pulled away from him.

“Goodbye Brian,” Justin whispered, but Brian pulled him roughly back.

“Is that all you’re going to say?” Brian asked angrily.

“What do you want me to say?”

Brian shrugged, “I thought that this would be, at least, hard for you.”

“Well, it’s not,” Justin spat.

Brian pulled Justin close again. He grabbed Justin by the sides of his face and made Justin look at him.

“I love you,” Brian whispered.

Justin stood in shock, but he contained himself when Brian looked into his eyes.

“That’s very nice Brian, but I have to go.”

With that, Justin walked to his door and got in. Within seconds, Brian could see Justin’s car getting smaller as it drove down the road.

Brian sulked back into the diner. Everyone was staring at him. He hoped they didn’t notice his eyes, because they were probably red. Brain walked into the bathroom. His eyes were indeed bloodshot and almost puffy. He just couldn’t believe that Justin could leave him like that, especially after he poured his heart out to him. Brian felt the tears coming on, so he went to stand in a stall. 

After about ten minutes of collecting himself, Brian finally came out of the bathroom. Everyone was eating and chatting. Brian sat down in one of the booths and pretended to be interested in his water glass.

“Did you try to convince him?” Jennifer finally asked.

Brian looked up at her and nodded.

“What did you say?” Debbie asked.

Brian heaved a sigh, “I told him I loved him.”

Everyone looked at each other. Brian put his head on the table.

Jennifer rubbed his head. She looked at everyone with pleading eyes and they all gave her apologetic looks and shook their heads. 

“I’m sorry Brian, but you know how Justin is. Maybe he’ll change his mind.”

Brian breathed deep; he wished Justin would’ve stayed.

 

As soon as Justin new they were about thirty miles from Pittsburgh, he began to cry. He got away with it for a few minutes before Kyrene noticed.

“Daddy, why are you crying?” Kyrene asked with worry filling her little voice.

“I’m okay baby, just play with your game boy.”

Kyrene nodded and continued playing with the toy that Brian bought her. Justin tried not to sob as fat tears fell down his face. He felt like a selfish asshole leaving everyone and he didn’t even let them get to know Kyrene before he took her away from them.

Another half an hour passed before Kyrene spoke up.

“Daddy, I’m hungry.”

“Kye, it’s only eleven, we’ll stop in a little while.”

Kyrene pouted but eventually started to play her game boy again. Justin let his thoughts drift to Brian. 

Brian had been perfect when he came to Pittsburgh; he let them stay with him. He treated Kyrene brilliantly right from the start and made her feel great when she felt sick. Justin could tell that he acted as Kyrene’s father right away. He paid for her surgery and even let Gus be the donor.

Justin felt the tears weal up in his eyes again. He really did love Brian with all his heart, but he was scared. He was confused and frustrated and he wanted to do what he had been doing for the past five years. Justin didn’t want anything to change, and he didn’t want Kyrene to get upset over anything, the cancer was hard enough on her. 

“…right there daddy.”

“What did you say baby?” Justin asked, not hearing what his daughter had said.

“I said: there is a Big Boy right there,” Kyrene repeated with mock annoyance.

Justin laughed and pulled into the parking lot. Kyrene hopped out of the car herself and ran around it to meet Justin. Kyrene grabbed his hand and they walked into the restaurant together. 

They waited for only a few minutes when a hostess came to seat them.

“Just two?”

“Yes,” Justin nodded.

“Smoking or nonsmoking?”

“Nonsmoking please,” Justin answered. He had given up smoking when he was pregnant with Kyrene and never started back up. In fact, he never did any form of drugs since and he barely drank.

“Thank you,” Justin said to the hostess when she sat them down at a table. She gave him a menu and Kyrene a children’s menu and walked away. 

The waitress then came and took their drink orders. She came back a few minutes later and put their drinks on the table. Justin was busy playing tic-tac-toe with Kyrene, when an old woman began to speak to them.”

“Oh, she’s adorable,” the older woman gushed over Kyrene.

Kyrene smiled at her, but looked at her father for support.

“Thank you.”

“Oh, I see you two are having a father-daughter outing.”

“Yes, we are,” Justin smiled at her, not really in the mood for conversations with strangers.

“Where is mom today?”

That did it for Justin.

“She has no mother,” Justin spoke coldly.

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand,” the woman replied confused.

“She doesn’t have a mother, I carried her.”

The woman stood up abruptly. She gave Justin a heated glare and walked away. Justin rolled his eyes and began to wait for his food again.

“Daddy, _do_ I have a mommy?”

Justin knew this would come up some time.

“No baby, you don’t have a mommy.”

“Ok, but I have you and dad.”

Justin nodded, “That’s right and we both love you very much.”

“But, when Misty’s mom had another baby, her belly got really big and they said that the baby was in there.”

“She was right.”

“But I don’t have a mommy.”

Justin groaned inwardly.

“You were in my belly.”

“I was?” Kyrene seemed to sound only somewhat confused.

“You see, I guess I’m special. Since I like boys, I was able to have a baby. Do you understand a little?” 

“I think. Why do you like boys? Is that different?”

“To some people, Kye. Most boys like girls and most girls like boys, but some boys like boys and some girls like girls. That’s just how they’re born.”

Kyrene nodded understandably.

“So, dad likes boys too?”

“Yes,” Justin nodded, “I think I’ll explain it to you more when you’re older.”

Kyrene smiled as their food finally came.


	11. Ch. 11- Realizations

The whole being lost on internet directions is a true story based on a personal experience.

* * *

“Daddy, are you crying?” Kyrene said while sitting up in her small bed.

“No, baby, it’s just my allergies,” Justin replied, upset that he woke his daughter again.

Since the first day they got back, a month and a half ago, Justin had been depressed. He really didn’t want to leave Brian and he knew they all could be happy, but he was terrified. Justin was afraid that things would change. 

Justin knew how he and Brian lived when they were together and he knew how he and Kyrene lived. But he was scared to see what it would be like if all three of them lived together.

“Daddy?” Kyrene repeated.

“What Kye?”

“Do you want me to sleep with you?”

Justin smiled and lifted up his blanket so Kyrene could lie with him. She immediately snuggled close to him and fell asleep. 

The apartment was quiet and it had a calming feeling, just like their old place. Justin was glad to find another apartment about a block away from his old one. Dave was glad that Justin was back and he quickly fell into his old routine at his job. Gram, however, was too sick to baby-sit, but they still visited her from time to time. Justin made sure that Kyrene had full-time kindergarten. If he was running late at work, the bus would drop her off at the new daycare at his business.

Justin sighed and looked at his daughter, hoping he made the right decision.

 

Brian turned over and opened his eyes.

‘Fuck!’ he thought to himself, ‘I cannot get to sleep. It’s 3 a.m. and I have to be up in four hours.’

Brian covered his face with the pillow and willed himself into sleep. After about another 40 minutes, Brian woke up crying. He couldn’t stop thinking about Justin. Everything he dreamt about was about him or Kyrene.

He reluctantly got up and out of bed. He walked slowly to his computer and flipped it on. 

Brian began to do some work that he really didn’t need to get done, but felt like getting it out of the way. Brian shuffled some papers around and out fell out a small scrap of paper. He picked it up and read it.

It was Justin’s address. He wrote it down for Brian in case of emergencies.

Before Brian even thought about it he went straight to a website with driving directions and found the ones he needed. He printed them out and realized he could be there by the afternoon. 

Brian jumped out of the chair and ran to the shower. He quickly cleaned himself and decided to call Cynthia.

“Cynthia?” Brian asked when the phone was picked up.

_“Brian? What are you doing?”_ a sleepy Cynthia replied.

“I’m not coming into work today,” Brian explained.

_“Are you still upset?”_

“Yeah,” Brian agreed with a grin, “I know you can handle it, right?”

_“I’ll be fine,”_ Cynthia assured and they hung up.

Brian nearly jumped with joy as he began to pack. He wanted to be on the road by the time it was morning, just so no one knew that he left. He packed up a suitcase and a bag and set them by the front door.

Taking one look around the loft, Brian knew he had to go. Everything seemed to be okay and he left and locked the door behind him.

 

Justin sat at his desk and tried his hardest to concentrate. All he had to do was trace some simple drawings and he was having trouble even doing that. 

Three hours later, he was done with his task and decided to pick up Kyrene from school. 

“Are you leaving?” Dave asked when Justin walked out of his small office.

“Yeah, I’m still tired and I want to pick up Kye.”

Dave could only nod. He knew to give Justin time, and that as soon as he felt better, Justin would work diligently again.

Justin sat down in his car and started it. He struggled to be positive and energetic, but he couldn’t do much of anything when it felt like half of his heart was missing.

When Justin arrived at the school, Kyrene was waiting on a bench.

“Come on, baby. Let’s go home,” Justin called from the car and Kyrene got up.

She opened the back door and buckled herself into her car seat.

“When are we going to see dad?” Kyrene suddenly asked.

“I don’t know, baby. He’s all the way back in Pittsburgh.” 

Kyrene understood, but she still missed her father.

 

Brian picked up his map and stared at it closely. Where the fuck was the road, he was supposed to go only .3 miles before he turn left onto a road that apparently didn’t exist. Brian groaned and looked at it again. He turned around, only to find that the road had already changed during a curve.

“Fucking maps,” Brian mumbled to himself.

He eyes immediately lit up when he realized he was in front of Justin’s apartment building. Brian made sure to park across the street. He got out and didn’t bother to grab anything.

‘Justin lives on the fourth floor in apartment 408,’ Brian thought to himself. 

Brian walked right into the building and went to the elevator. He pressed the ‘four’ button and in no time flat he was on the fourth floor. He let out a gasping breathe and headed down the hallway. 

Soon, he was in front on of apartment 408. He brought up his hand and knocked.

Nothing happened. 

Brian tried again a little louder and waited a few more seconds.

Again, nothing happened.

He wished they were home. He didn’t want to be waiting at their doorstep when they came home.

“Brian?” a voice suddenly asked.

Brian jumped and turned violently around.

“Justin,” Brian sighed and began to calm down.

Before Justin could let out on single shocked word, Kyrene ran towards her father.

“Dad!” she cried.

“Hey Kye,” Brian fussed and picked up his daughter.

“Brian?” Justin repeated.

“Yes, Justin, it’s me,” Brian mocked.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Justin almost yelled.

“Jesus, Justin. Calm down. I came to see you.”

Justin shook his head in disbelief and went to unlock the door. He held the door open for Brian and Kyrene and they walked in. Justin walked into the kitchen and came back with water for Brian and a juice for Kyrene.

“When did you get here?” Justin asked.

“Like five minutes ago.”

“Why did you come?”

“I came to see you and Kyrene,” Brian explained.

“No, _why_ did you come,” Justin repeated sounding aggravated.

“I missed you both and I wanted to see you. Is that so bad?”

Kyrene looked up at awe at her fathers. She didn’t know what they were talking about or why they were fighting. She was too transfixed with being happy because she was in the same room with both of them.

“Brian, we both agreed that if you missed Kyrene, we would schedule a meeting.”

“Justin,” Brian nearly groaned, “I don’t just miss her, I miss you, also. I miss you like crazy; you’re all I ever think about.”

Justin could feel the lump in his throat beginning to build and he tried with all his might not to cry.

“Daddy loves you,” Kyrene suddenly said to Brian.

“What Kye?” Brian questioned.

“I said daddy loves you. He says it all the time.”

“I know your daddy loves me, baby,” Brian explained, “He just needs to realize that I love him just as much.”

Justin shut his eyes tight and a single tear fell down.

“Brian,” Justin started, but broke down in sobs.

“Kye, why don’t you go play in your room,” Brian told her. She nodded and ran off.

Brian pulled Justin in his arms and held him tight.

“Justin, whatever you want to do is fine with me,” Brian assured, “I just need to be in yours and Kyrene’s lives.”

“I want to be with you; all the time. I want to be in a serious relationship.”

“I want whatever you want.”

“I want to come home.”

Brian smiled wide and gave Justin a hard and passionate kiss.

“Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to here you say that?” 

“Too long?” Justin tried to joke, but he only broke off into sobbing fits of laughter.

“I love you,” Brian whispered into Justin’s ear and kissed his temple lightly.

“I love you, too.”

* * *

*Muses* Sequel?


End file.
